I think I just saw someone hide a body.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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