What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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