As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Randomize
