i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
