I'm gonna have a badass scar
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
That's when you crack a 10am beer
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
