how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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