You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
