he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
