my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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