SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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