i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
