Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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