I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
How's work?
Spinning.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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