see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
