Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
