So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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