And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
