That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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