Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
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