Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
