Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
