I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Randomize
