hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
