I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
