I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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