go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
