how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
