R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Randomize
