She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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