Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
