What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
