GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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