Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
