some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
