I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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