the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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