Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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