Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
