Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
