I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
