I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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