we made out on top of his cat.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
