Is it because I queefed?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
