so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
