Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
