yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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