hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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