he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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