Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
