Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
