I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
