It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
