Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There's always time for handjobs
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
