I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
